|Signs of a bad fit
||Signs of a good fit
|You feel judged or ashamed.
||You feel heard and even better, understood.
|The therapist talks about the therapist’s own issues or is multi-tasking.
||Talking to you is the priority – no distractions.
|You feel talked to or at.
||The therapist asks questions to get to know you and collaborates with you on your care.
|The therapist does not seem to take much interest in training or new approaches.
||The therapist has special training and experience in the issue that concerns you
|The therapist seems tired or falls asleep. (Yes, I have heard this has happened for some!)
||The therapist is fully present, awake and tuned into you.
|The therapist seems like a cheerleader, or a critic. They are either approving and happy for you or disapproving and critical of you.
||The therapist sees the good in you. They understand your self-destructive behavior as your efforts to cope with life that has been so hard that you have needed to escape the emotional pain. You feel heard, without being judged.